You Can Make a Difference

When I was a child, I wanted to change the world. Helping others was very important to me, and back then I really believed that I could make a difference in people’s lives.

As a young teen, I became a babysitter and enjoyed taking care of babies and kids of all ages. In college, I tutored disadvantaged students who needed extra help before starting their freshman semesters. I remember how much time and effort I put into trying to help these students. I put my heart and soul into my role as tutor. Even when I wasn’t working, I was always thinking of how I could help them better. It was more than just a job to me; it was a chance to improve someone’s life.

In my personal life, I was often the friend that others turned to when they needed advice or a shoulder to cry on. Many people told me I was a good listener and easy to talk to. At one time, I even considered a career in counseling. But as time went by, the problems people came to me with were more challenging – job loss, relationship issues, depression, anxiety, cancer and other serious health concerns. I willingly tried to counsel friends and family members through all of these life challenges. I truly wanted to help ease their fears and give them much-needed comfort and support. Only I took on way more than I could actually handle.

I came to realize that I possessed a trait that was both a blessing and a curse: a strong sense of empathy. I was able to help a lot of people, but by doing so, I often took on their problems as my own. It was as if I absorbed their distress and ended up emotionally drained.  They felt much better, but I felt like a complete wreck. There was no way I could do this as a career because I would burn out quickly, and the toll it would take on my own mind and body would be detrimental to my health. Then what good would I be to others?

During my quest to help people, I often heard phrases such as: “You’re only one person.” “You can’t save the world.” “Just take care of yourself.” At first I rejected these views, but after seeing what effect others’ problems had on me, I began to believe them.

So I abandoned my idea to work in a helping field and opted to become a writer instead. And I sadly decided that despite my want and need to help people, I had very little power to actually make a difference in the world. Being faced with my own struggles and challenges further solidified this belief. “How can I help anyone, if I can’t even help myself?” I reasoned.

Years later, I learned just how wrong I was. I decided to write a book about miscarriage and adoption in the hopes of helping people who are facing similar challenges. And guess what? I began receiving a lot of positive feedback. Many people told me I inspired them. Others said that my book was a great resource. Some said my story was touching. Even those who had no experience with miscarriage or adoption found my book encouraging, uplifting and enlightening. Complete strangers even began sharing their own wonderful stories with me! I was amazed to discover that I could actually make a difference in people’s lives.

So if you believe your contributions to this world, don’t matter: think again. Every kind word, positive thought, hug, smile, kind gesture or good deed does make a difference. Each time you reach out to someone, they in turn will be more likely to reach out to someone else. Your one kind act will create a ripple effect that travels from person to person and has the potential to affect thousands. You don’t have to work in a field that requires helping others. You don’t have to take on everyone’s problems. You don’t need to do something big. You simply need to be yourself. Use your innate talents, skills, interests and compassion to do one thing that reaches someone. They will appreciate what you did. It will make a difference in their life, even if it is just for one day, one hour or one moment. All it takes is one.

I’ll end with a quote from one of my favorite poems:

“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived – this is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson